wow...

apparently my few blog readers who have children have obedient and amazing eaters who get themselves dressed, either that or they are better at following through with discipline than I am, which I am pretty sure is the case because Jeremy and I get a big fat F in that area.  Today, however has been much better because through this blog I found this article (which oddly enough was written by the sister of a former classmate who has another sister that has a fabric line that happened to show fabric once at the same show as my hospital buddy that I met and stayed friends with while I was in the hospital having Theo, did you follow all that? small world huh? talented people too, seriously!) and after I read said article I was reminded that my kids are indeed a blessing (I do know that but sometimes I just need a reminder) and they are only a burden because of my complete lack of self control, discipline and patience.  The article made some amazing points, I highly recommend reading it but what most stuck out to me was some of the many points that Rachel makes.   "Have you given to your children resentfully?"   I will just admit that on plenty of occasions my kids annoy me, I want space, I want free time, I want quiet, I want clean, I want order, but I also want more kids...uh what?  yup, I want more and yet I cannot even get the guts, the patience and the discipline in order that Theo so deserves.  I had a big ol' "AH HA" moment today after reading Rachel's article.  Here, I have been pouting to God and my husband about having another baby, saying things like "life is not fair", "others get what I deserve or want" etc. etc. and instead of stopping and listening to the one who already has my life planned out. I have just been going on and on and on about ME ME ME for years and months about what I do not have and then God reached into my heart and head and just said "Stop" "focus on what you have"  "work on Theo, work on Carter, be better for them, to them, put their value first, as well as Jeremy's"  It was clear and I listened.  Rachel writes "The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord, We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children"  I have been so far from imitating God in my discipline with my children that it is down right embarrassing.  Where do my children rank in my life?  Where does Jeremy rank?  Where does the value of begging for a 3rd baby rank? my order is really messed up and my kids know it.  I needed Rachel's pep talk and she didn't even know she was giving it to me.  I needed to read her words and God's voice.  I need to repent and I need to ask God for help in raising the two amazing kids I have.  I need to gain the wisdom and strength to discipline Theo correctly.  Please pray for our family as we do some major reconstructing.